Getting back in to the swing of things after the recent holiday break has been quite the whirlwind. Almost two weeks of doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, was wonderful. I got to stay up late and sleep in; enjoyed warm mugs of coffee or tea, while watching the snow fall; and basically, I just got to relax and give to myself. I enjoyed the feeling that everything was just right.
Fast forward, back to the busy routines of school, after school sports, corporate work – all that.
All of a sudden, things aren’t so rosy. So much pressure to be this thing or that thing – to be perfect – to be everything to everyone.
No wonder we long for vacations – the pressure goes away – and there are no expectations. Or at least, we have fun expectations.
I have been developing a deeper understanding of all my meditation tools this past year – so I decided to put them to work. Upon return to the grind of things, this time, I made the decision to be present and aware. To breathe and just be. To stay still inside, when I would have struggled. And you know what I learned?
I found fear.
Fear that I would drop the ball, that I wouldn’t be good enough, that I would fail. For all the times that I’ve wondered what it was that made me so uncomfortable about starting up routines after a break – I got a peek into what it was all about.
Fear that I am not enough. Fear that no matter what I do, I will not be able to make a difference, that I will not do my work well enough to get approval. And that approval is key, isn’t it? It means we are ok – that we matter. That we belong and we’ll get what we need.
I think it’s pretty easy to get tricked into thinking we’re not enough. That deception can come from many different places or people. But ultimately, where it comes from is not as important as recognizing the fear and deciding what to do with it.
Because in the end, that fear is a lie. We know that, because it feels horrible. And we aren’t horrible. We are light and love – and fear feels bad, because it’s not who we really are. Lies always cause pain – that’s all pain is! A lie in your space.
So with that, let me be the one to tell you what I had to tell myself.
It’s ok. You’re enough.
We are all magnificent, divine, etheric and energetic beings, with our own unique talent and skills. Each of us has something to contribute to life and to the world. We may think that what we have to give is not very substantial – but it’s sometimes the little things that make the biggest difference. A kind word. A bit of humor. Silent presence. Those things go a very long way.
We’re on a journey – a path – an adventure – learning to grow into our divinity and wholeness. And in that adventure, there is no competition. Is a small child learning to walk any less of a being than their older sibling who can run and jump and ride a bike? No! They’re simply at a different place in their evolution. And they will fall down many times learning to take those first steps. Is that failure? No. It’s growth. It’s process. It’s the willingness to be open to the path of evolution that life takes us on.
It’s no less true once we become ‘grown up’ – whatever that means! We all have things we are working on incorporating into our wisdom. That wisdom comes from experience! To decide we will not risk experience because we are not good enough, invalidates the whole purpose of our journey.
The purpose is not to become whole, to become good enough.
You are already that.
Evolution and growth has nothing to do with becoming more perfect so we can be deserving.
You are already deserving.
It is simply that we are growing in to a bigger version of our self – much like an acorn grows into an oak. The acorn is not bad or imperfect. It contains within it, everything that it will need to become that grand oak, with time.
As do you.
You are enough – right here, right now, just as you are.
Enjoy yourself – and every precious moment. You deserve it.
